A Follower's Experience in Becoming a Leader

Since I was in elementary school, I could recall countless moments in my life where I stagnant; a force playing tug and war one with my brain the other with my body. It took a toll on me, by the time one would win against one another, it was too late. Someone else had volunteered to become the class leader, someone else had risen their hand to answer that question while mine twitched in my laps, someone else took initiative in the group project while my mouth stayed agape the words “so here’s what I was thinking” staying locked inside me. I was always stuck. Stuck in the what ifs: what if I embarrassed myself and the whole class laughs at me, what if I raise my hand and I’m wrong, what if I let my teacher know I don't understanding this concept and she/he gets frustrated with me, while my brain was running a marathon my body was in a constant state of paralysis. It wasn't until a new chapter of my life came along where things started to change. I made friends; really good ones might I add, that’s where the tides started to shift. My friends were the opposite of me; they were open I was closed they were right I was left I was up they were down. It never really made sense to me how we became such good friends, but I guess the saying “opposites attract” really is true. Middle school me started to change for the better. I started becoming what my brain wanted me to be; I was more outgoing and initiative, I was FINALLY starting to be happy in my own skin, my body and my brain were becoming cohesive...yeah but not really. A pattern started becoming apparent, I was becoming a follower. Now a follower isn’t necessarily a pejorative, we need people that can follow along that’s how we form a cohesiveness in society but at the same time that wasn’t me. I didn’t always want to go along with whatever my friends say, when they’ll ask me about my input, I always just agreed with everything. I didn’t start speaking in class until they started speaking in class, if there was an issue at hand it wasn't me addressing it; it was my friends. In a way I acquired the voice I never had, a voice that would speak for me, stand up for me, take initiative for me, but that voice wasn’t attached to my vocal cords. They're my friends not mine. I still didn’t have a voice. By the beginning of high school, I made a resolution within myself “Make the First Steps” now this was difficult, life drifted my friends and I away; I lost my voice, but I was determined to regain my own voice. To be transparent, I didn’t really achieve my motto until senior year of high school, but I did it I had my own voice. I would volunteer to read in class, be the first to speak, stand up for myself, even have an open discussion with my teachers regarding the topic. It was great! I felt like what I caged so long within myself was finally released. Then college came around the corner and I started to retreat. I was back to having that tug and war. I came to that realization on my first day of school when Professor Sherri asked the class who wanted to be a project manager for her class. I wasn’t the first to speak up because part of me didn’t want to be, but I knew how it would benefit me. It took Stephanie, the project manager I work alongside with, volunteering first to regain my voice. Flashbacks of middle school were apparent, I wasn’t going to go back to those times; so, I didn't. Stephanie and I together took the initiative; this was very much demonstrated with the recent projects that our class had to do for public speaking. That’s where I learned how to become a leader, someone that assists and helps others in need, but along that way I faced many hurdles. I’ve struggled with being overwhelmed. It was the first time I had so many people rely on me for the answers. I didn’t want to disappoint them. Thankfully, Stephanie and I came up with a solution. We made group chats for the four groups that helped organize who’s in what group and it helped organize the thoughts in my brain. It was eye opening to see how well the groups worked so well. We weren't the only ones helping each other out, the group members played just as big of a role. To make sure everyone was on the same page we made announcements frequently about the deadlines for each group. This helped the groups manage their time accordingly. To encompass all of this, learning to manage my responsibilities and be the best for these groups helped me grow stronger as a person and as leader; taking the first steps to becoming what I always wanted to be. When it came to the introductions and conclusions; Stephanie and I came up with a plan. We decided on a rotation; I started with the intro for group 1 and Stephanie did the conclusion and then vice versa. This really helped us grow in our introductions and conclusions. I remember the first introduction I did for group 1 being a briefer straight to the point introduction; I didn't think much of it because I thought that was the best way, it wasn’t until Stephanie did hers for Group 2 where I realized that I can add more to my introduction while still making sure I don’t spill to much information. We really learned together! It was rewarding seeing the outcome of the group's slides and presentations. Becoming a leader made me Adelyn Rivera realize it wasn’t just for my voice to be heard; it was for others to be amplified.